Perils of Caffeine in the Evening

As if the degradations of winter’s onslaught of snowmobiles weren’t enough, some yahoo from my state has driven his fucking pickup truck offroad near Lone Star Geyser, crashing pedestrian barriers and making doughnuts in fragile soil. He was also cited for having a loaded gun in his truck and driving with a suspended license. This is the kind of person Wyoming vigilantes should take out and beat the crap out of instead of gay people.
(The picture at right isn’t Lone Star, it’s from a nearby geyser we saw driving through Yellowstone in September. That’s why I’ve reacted so viscerally to this item.)

The Tyco/Kozlowski jury yesterday got to see edited video of the birthday party held for Mrs. Kozlowski on Sardinia. It’s available in two parts from the WSJ online Part 1 and Part 2 . (May or may not be accessible without a WSJ Online subscription - I’m sure it’s available elsewhere online). Shortly after the jury saw the film, prosecutors releaseed it to the media.
It’s no crime, of course, to throw a party. And it’s not hard to make attendees at any party look foolish by following them around with a camera. If Kozlowski hadn’t countermanded the assets of a publicly held corporation, and instead tapped his own bank account of after-tax earnings, it would be no big deal.
In an interesting aside, the film of the party may have a salubrious economic effect:

Some party planners say the video may be a boost to the recession-shocked industry, which has been in a funk since 9/11. John Baragona, publisher of Event Solutions, a trade magazine for event planners, praised the “creative use” of props to depict the Roman Imperial theme.

“That’s a real skill,” Mr. Baragona said. “Those are the kinds of things the event industry is proud of.”

Just when the nation was beginning to waver under the strain of riveting its attention on the California wildfires for agonizing 5-second spots in their evening newscasts, Los Angeles Laker teammates Kobe Bryant and Shaquille O’Neal provided refreshing relief with a media tiff to start the new NBA season.
The root causes of the wildfires will eventually be dealt with by more clearcut logging (and probably oil and gas exploration) and their effects ameliorated by GW’s desire to show the new Schwarzenegger administration how much it cares. You have to wonder what, however, can save a Laker situation in which Gary Payton is the calm bulwark against divisiveness.

Well, after that rant (it felt good, I won’t apologize), I stumbled across another article in the WSJ detailing an SEC proceeding against Kenneth Lay, wherein they charge “Mr. Lay has “demonstrated a frankly whimsical approach” to claiming his constitutional protection against self-incrimination” in refusing to produce documents.
So, there IS after all some desultory federal activity on this case (though I’m not prepared to wear sunglasses day and night so as not to be blinded by its incandescence), and I probably should shut up about any legal matters unless I am willing to take on the task of credible research to validate my rantings.
I have no desire to write a political blog, as others are covering that ground so well. My passions so far outstrip my expertise that it would just be a fucking mess. But, damn, this corporate piracy stuff really sets me off.

This is starting to play like one of those fascinating traffic accidents you can’t drive by without slowing down and taking digital pictures. And the only place I’ve seen coverage, oddly enough, is the Wall Street Journal. I haven’t done an exhaustive search, but our local papers sure aren’t givin’ it up.
At some point on Tyco’s corporate calendar, there among the board meetings, financial forecasting meetings, supply chain process improvement projects, the merger with ADT and screw the government out of hundreds of millions of dollars seminar, the annual audit by wink-wink independent auditors was - what’s this? - Mrs. Kozlowski’s birthday party!!!
Yeah, she’s not an employee of Tyco per se, but her 40th birthday might just be a good opportunity to get some of Tyco’s customers and friends together for some business-oriented face time if they happen to be in the area. On fucking Sardinia.

“Among the charges is that they committed grand larceny by stealing $1 million or more by using Tyco funds for the Sardinia bash for Mr. Kozlowski’s wife.”

Like the dumbest of perps, these guys were fool enough to make a video of the frivolities. The case is being tried in New York state Supreme Court, and prosecutors are seeking to show the video to a jury. They’ll get to see a heavily edited version of it, apparently, but won’t get to see:

• a still image of guests “mooning” the camera
• an ice sculpture of Michelangelo’s David urinating vodka
• the life-size, female-shape birthday cake with the exploding bosom for Mr. Kozlowski’s wife

Other hijinks at the party include:

• a $250,000 musical performance by Jimmy Buffett (parrotts…Tyco…Get it?)
• Guests were greeted by chariots and a gladiator, and by what Ms. Jacques described as “male models” dressed in skimpy bathing suits
• In the days prior to the birthday party, she said, guests could indulge in activities such as horseback riding, water skiing, an elaborate scavenger hunt and rides on Mr. Kozlowski’s yacht — at no cost to them
• After the party, Karen Kozlowski and some of her friends hopped aboard a Tyco jet to take a course at a cooking school near Florence

Kozlowski supposedly told the corporate travel planner (and former paramour), Barbara Jacques, that he would pay half of the cost of the party personally. Prosecutors allege that he paid no more than 30%. The Internal Revenue Service regulations for the deductibility of business expenses state that such expenditures must be “ordinary and necessary” to the business being conducted. Raise your hand if you believe that Tyco DIDN’T deduct the remaining 70% of the $2 million party expense from the already truncated amount of taxable income it reported on its U. S. tax returns.
The ostensible business purpose associated with the birthday party boiled down to “a planned board meeting for one of Tyco’s subsidiaries, to take place one afternoon. In contrast to the elaborate party arrangements, she said, the board meeting required only a conference room and speakerphone.” The rest was merely prologue and denouement.
One question that comes to mind is, Why is this being tried in a New York State court and not in a federal court, since it appears to cross state lines and national boundaries? I’m not a lawyer, so I have no idea. It would seem that, if New York State laws were broken, surely some federal offenses were committed as well.
And, if these corporate piracy cases are strictly the purview of state courts, why haven’t we heard how fervently Texas is pursuing Kenneth Lay?
Here might be a hint on both counts:

In cross-examining Ms. Jacques, one of Mr. Kozlowski’s attorneys, Austin Campriello, elicited testimony from Ms. Jacques that other Tyco functions also mixed business and social events. In particular, he had Ms. Jacques discuss the agenda for a 1999 “state of the company” meeting in Boca Raton. In addition to business, the event featured a speech by Colin Powell, dinner cruises and golfing.

Ah. The cerebral internationalist, Colin Powell, moderate influence and conscience of the neo-cons, who should have known, if anyone did, about the Bermuda tax scam and the level of crap surrounding this company. Seems like wherever you look in these corporate scandals, a member of this administration has left tongueprints on the trough.

The trouble with those leafy, picturesque grape arbor thingies that provide shade from the pitiless summer sun (we had that here this year) is that they eventually, well, produce grapes. I didn’t realize just how prolific the vines growing over our deck had been until last week. Gorged on the heavy rains and nudged by some pre-winter gusts from the south, the whole structure partially collapsed one afternoon.
I spent Sunday “harvesting” the grapes from between the wire netting, drenching myself in their useless juice as I pitched them into a plastic garbage can, no bevy of doe-eyed virgins to assist my poor man’s bacchanalia.

After a week or so of steady downpour, we’ve had a few sunny, warm fall days just to let us know what we’ll be missing. I pried myself away from the Ohio State - Indiana game on Saturday and we hopped a ferry to Bainbridge Island on Puget Sound for some “yachting” (the kind of yacht you can fit two at a time on top of an Accord). As far as I’m concerned, it could go on like this forever.

The Wall Street Journal today details testimony in the trial of former Tyco CEO Dennis Kozlowski for “looting the conglomerate of $600 million in unauthorized pay and illicit stock sales.” I know it’s impolite to bring up the topic of corporate scandals now that the issue has been cured by some cosmetic changes at the SEC, but I just can’t help but marvel that we’re fixated on the Kobe Bryant and Martha Stewart trials while guys like Kozlowski and Kenneth Lay, with the enormity of their crimes, avoid the spotlight.
The testimony cited is that of Barbara Jacques, who started at Tyco in 1986 as a secretary, and shortly thereafter became “intimate” with Kozlowski.